Home of The Naughty Stories Series
Inside the drowned man, Hobbes found the whale. Inside the whale, Hobbes found nothing but junk. Was it the junk that made him creep? Or something itching at his soul? No matter, there was no solution other than to trigger the gun. – On the brink of fame and fortune, Jimmy Quentin, poet maudit of the Q-tips, leaves it all behind and takes to the streets where his life continues to spiral out of control.
“I have waited decades for The Junk Book to arrive. The scraps and fictions and fungi of a deranged mind. Read at your peril. You will lose yourself in its bizarre and wondrous pages.” – Maldoror
“Which plane are you flying out on, dad? Is it the Shake’s Plane?” Of course, Simon knew it wasn’t really the Shake’s Plane. Open on the bed was a big, battered and stickered case with straps and dividers. The case was already half-packed with shirts and underwear. Simon watched his father folding a pair of …
I left behind a notebook with sketches, doodles, anecdotes and observations, jokes and one-liners, plus one song the title of which she’d thrown at me in a jokey but disconsolate mood between the turkey and Christmas crackers… When Will and Paul came across the hole in the fence, they left their bikes on the side …
“Something was always jus’ a little off. It was even in his name: William James Maudit.” One afternoon, when I was about fifteen, I took myself off to see American Werewolf in London. For those who do not know this film, at the time it was considered a rather good example of the horror genre. …
The whole effect of his appearance reminded me of an impish faun. His face was heavily made up, his lips violently rouged, and he had on a pair of lurid tights and patent leather shoes with brass buckles, while strapped to his waist appeared to be an instrument of some kind. Suzy was in the …
King Bill or Bull or Rum or Junk or whatever name the sailors happened to give him. It was around 87 when we got our business going. We started with Dad’s steps and a toolbox purchased from a DIY shop on the woodwork in the Hallam’s conservatory. I knew Paul from school and Dez he …
Counting off twenty-oneShooting stars in a cow fieldSPLAT! Bernadette did not know what to say when her mother phoned up asking if she was coming home at the weekend. “Why don’t you bring the essay home?” “Mum,” she said, “I can’t do that. I need the books from the library.” “What about your washing? – …
Irresistible… let’s go! Where we goin’? – Westward Ho! Around one hundred fifty years after the famous battle and just a few before George W Bush land-slid into the Governor’s house, Julia visited the Alamo mission. If this fact on its own does not appear germane to the following story, it could be argued that …
Junky hires a magician to cast away his demon… ends up dead in a burning circle of white powder. Scratch humour Claire was about to move house and city when she came across the box with Simon’s things in the cupboard under the stairs Claire, who was no longer in theatre, had met Simon through …
“The banker of the tale had an invitation to dinner on the top floor. At the door of the lift someone handed him a mask, whereupon he found himself in a room full of masked dignitaries. Up on a stage, surrounded by tables serving sushi and other delicacies, were two unmasked and naked lap dancers. …
“What do you think?” I said. “I put my heart and soul into it.” – “Well,” she said, twisting a curl of hair around her little finger, “I still think you could do a hell of a lot better.” The conversation inside his head ran along the following lines. Why don’t you get a job, …